Games are meant for enjoyment and acceptable, public humiliation of friends and family when you rock them at a game they claim to be “awesome” at. Nonetheless, there are games that just plain suck, and it takes a whole lot of coaxing or boredom to make me succumb to playing, what I call, the fetid four. There are bound to be people reading who will claim that one of these games is their favorite or a nostalgic piece of their childhood that has long since past. Some people can palate horrible tasting food, and that’s fine with me, but I would rather play games that I like. Wouldn’t we all? Without further digressing into why people might enjoy these games, let’s examine these not-so-entertaining games. Note: these games aren’t ranked in anyway. They’re just bad.

Let’s start off with one that is simple in its premise. Make your way around a plastic board and back up into your home base. But, watch out! If someone lands on a space you occupy, you’re in TROUBLE!! To be honest, I have never had good luck playing this game, which is partially why it’s on this list. However, there are other reasons why this game is an insult to players of games everywhere. First, notice that the die is inside of a bubble. Pro- you will not lose the die. Con- the die would be the easiest piece to replace if went missing, so WTF. Not to mention that every time you roll there is that retched popping sound that never gets annoying. Another feature that places this game on the not-so-fun list is lacking creativity behind the game play. Make your way around the board and hope no one lands on a space you occupy. You cannot place a die in a bubble and fool me. There is no cool theme, just a pompous catch phrase that I loath hearing, “You’re in trouble!” It is a wonder how this game became so popular.

Now if board games aren’t your thing and you prefer something more interactive, I have a game you should avoid. Gooey Louie has to have one of the more original yet horrible concepts. Pick “gooeys” out of Louie’s nose and hope the one you pick doesn’t cause his brain to eject from his head. I would have loved to hear this game getting pitched for production. That person must have silver tongue to get this game made. It has little replay value. It is a pain to reset the trigger booger (which can go off if you pick a gooey that is somewhat entangled with the trigger gooey) and how long is picking fake snot out of a plastic head entertaining? Even worse, there is a new version that talks. “That tickles” or “Pick me a winner” are phrases that can be heard by this new and perpetually disappointing game.

Guess Who? has quite the following and there many updated versions of this game. I never liked playing with other people who had all the characters memorized or knew the key questions to ask. I’m all for games that promote attention to detail, deductive reasoning, and articulation of observations, but this game decided to highlight differences in people rather than objects. This isn’t a big deal, but should this game be seen as means of cultural blending (i.e. it’s good because it represents a variety of people with respect to physical appearance), or should it be seen as a game that teaches children to observe differences that are superficial or that really don’t matter? Mixed signals in this game make me want to avoid it altogether. It may be a stretch to say that it’s enabling children to practice being overly concerned with appearance, but maybe not. I’d avoid this game just in case.

Want to play a loud game that requires no skills? Try Hungry Hungry Hippos. Nothing like watching colorful hippos binge on white marbles until the dinner plate battlefield is clean. The most annoying thing about this game is the noise generated for such little entertainment. Vacuum cleaners are more fun, just as noisy, and function similarly to the hippos. Similar to games previously mentioned, the replay value of this game is low. I don’t know of anyone who could tolerate it for more than 30 minutes.

There may be worse games out there, but these are the ones that I will never play again (unless my kids ask me to, but that’s different). I don’t mean to be overly cynical of games designed for children, but I think we should play games that provide skills or learning opportunities instead of picking boogers out of a plastic head, especially when the players are children who are developing mentally. Unless you’re buying one of these games for nostalgic purposes, I would try something else.

Rx by

Dr. M. CLK