I’ve always been a big horror movie fan ever since I was a little kid. My mom never let me rent rated R movies for fear that the sexual themes and brief instances of pornography would pollute my then fragile mind; however, me renting horror movies never seemed to be a problem. I guess she didn’t know that each horror movie is comprised from about 25% porn and around 75% brutal killing and bad acting. So as a kid I managed to get sneak peaks at all the classics: Halloween, Friday the 13th, The Exorcist, Pumpkinhead, Nightmare on Elm Street, Leprechaun and many others.
My love for horror movies has changed very little since I was just a pup and one glance at my DVD collection will show you just how bad my tastes get when it comes to my horror collection. So in honor of my love for horror movies and in honor of a new year I’m going to give you a guide to the best holiday horror movies to watch this 2008.
P.S. Keep in mind these horror movies aren’t my favorites but they do coincide with the various holidays throughout the year.
Valentine’s Day – February 14th, 2008
Valentine (2001)
Directed by Jamie Blanks and starring Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, Marley Shelton and then unknown Katherine Heigl.
Valentine is quite possibly the most cheesily awesome slasher flick that I have seen in a long while. The actual premise of the movie is hilarious in its own right. A group of popular school girls turn down and humiliate the class nerd at a Valentine’s Day dance and he comes back to seek his vengeance on them many years later on Valentine’s Day no less. The movie is plagued by pretty bad acting (I mean everyone always said Denise Richards was hot, not that she was a good actress) and serves as an early point in many of its stars careers (Richards, Boreanaz and Heigl). Probably the funniest thing about Valentine is that all of the ex-school girls are now in their mid 20’s and they’re all single yet incredibly hot. It’s amazing that all of these very attractive women don’t have dates for Valentine’s Day, other than their date with death (insert evil laugh here).
As the killer begins his plot of spiteful revenge on the girls he sends them threatening Valentine’s Day cards in order to scare them. As the movie progresses we get our first look at the killer who wears a cupid mask to hide his identity and we are also introduced to his chronic nose bleed problem which seems to happen after every victim he kills. If you feel alone and unwanted come this Valentine’s Day and have nothing better to do then you should rent Valentine for comfort. If it doesn’t scare you it will at least make you laugh.
St. Patrick’s Day – March 17th, 2008
Leprechaun (1993)
Directed by Mark Jones and starring Warwick Davis, Jennifer Aniston and Ken Olandt.
Leprechaun is one of my personal favorite horror movies. Not only does it star Jennifer Aniston in one of her earliest roles but it also stars Warwick Davis as the Leprechaun. It’s awesome seeing the good-hearted Willow play the greedy, human slaying Leprechaun. Not to mention the ridiculous sequels in the Leprechaun series that have our little green menace traveling everywhere from Las Vegas to space and den to da hood…twice.
Davis puts on a great performance as the little man in green in search for his bag of gold, which has been found by a young kid and his older but retarded friend. Plus it’s always funny to see how popular actors and actresses got their start in Hollywood and that holds true in Leprechaun as we see a young Jennifer Aniston play the heroic damsel that saves the day. Overall this movie is so overly ridiculous that it’s awesome and if you’re planning on drinking like your Irish on St. Patty’s Day then you too should plan on watching Leprechaun in a completely inebriated state – it’s probably even funnier that way.
Easter – March 23rd, 2008
Easter Bunny Kill, Kill! (2006)
Directed by Chad Ferrin and starring Ricardo Gray and Tim Muskatell.
Before I talk about Easter Bunny Kill, Kill! I must admit that I have never seen this film, I’ve only heard of it. So my short synopsis of the movie will be based off of a review that I found online by Jaymie Wilson. Easter Bunny Kill, Kill! tells of a young mentally handicapped boy Nicholas (Ricardo Gray) who is tormented by his Mother’s new boyfriend Remington (Tim Muskatell) with a seedy background. On Easter, Remington and his low life friends subject Nicholas to psychological and physical abuse for there own enjoyment, yet later on that night the Easter Bunny killer comes to seek revenge on Nicholas’ tormentors.
Judging by the screen shots of the movie and Wilson’s review the movie is shot on a low budget and the killer bunny is a man dressed up in an Easter rabbit mask. One of the exciting things about Easter Bunny Kill, Kill! is that as a viewer you will be cheering for the killer more so than the victims because the people he kills are so lowly and despised (such as hookers, junkies and pedophiles) in the movie that each death will leave those watching shouting for more. So after you celebrate, if you celebrate, the Lord’s Resurrection this Easter make sure to set aside some quality time to watch Easter Bunny Kill, Kill! with your family as you dye Easter eggs and eat massive amounts of chocolate bunnies.
This next horror flick isn’t a holiday, but I figured since we’re already on the page of mythical creatures like the Easter Bunny it wouldn’t hurt to talk about the Tooth Fairy.
Darkness Falls (2003)
Directed by Jonathan Liebesman and starring Chaney Kley, Emma Caulfield and Lee Cormie.
You know those precious jewel horror films that come around only once every decade and really take the genre to new heights? Yeah, well Darkness Falls is NOT one of those precious jewels. Darkness Falls attempts to tell the history of the Tooth Fairy a.k.a. Matilda Dixon, who was a woman in the 1800’s that would take little children’s teeth upon their losing them. One night the town’s people seek out Matilda because of her odd and witch-like practices and they burn her house down before ultimately hanging her. Dixon’s story is seemingly lost throughout the generations, yet it is rumored that if you lose a tooth and wake up to see her she will kill you. It is also rumored that she can’t go into the light because of the fire set forth upon her house long ago. Kyle, the young protagonist of the story, is warned to not peek by his friend Caitlin, yet he can’t resist and he peeks upon the Tooth Fairy’s arrival; however, he isn’t killed, his mother is and Kyle is suspected of cold blooded murder. The movie leaps ahead about a decade and Kyle, who is grown up now, is scared of the dark, afraid that the Tooth Fairy may come back to seek her missed opportunity at killing him years ago. However, Caitlin’s little brother is now going through the same situation Kyle went through and it is up to Kyle to face his fear of the dark and ultimately his fear of the Tooth Fairy.
Just from the premise of the movie you can see how this film never affected the horror movie genre – well, maybe for the worse. Nonetheless, this movie is full of hilarious lines of dialogue and it’s always funny seeing a grown man try to act like he is afraid of the dark. This movie might have been able to scare little children out of not wanting to lose their teeth because the Tooth Fairy did manage to look pretty creepy. It might just be me but there is something very disturbing about old, creepy women, especially those who dress in centuries old wardrobes and hunt down little kids in an attempt to take their teeth and their lives. However, other than the basics this movie was so corny that it’s almost worth the $1 rental just to get in a few good laughs with some friends.
The Fourth of July – July 4th, 2008
Independence Day (1996)
Directed by Roland Emmerich and starring Will Smith, Bill Pullman and Jeff Goldblum.
Now I know that Independence Day isn’t classified as a horror movie, rather it’s an action/sci-fi flick, yet I felt that it would be a good addition to the holidays of horror list because it shows war between humankind and hostile aliens – not to mention I couldn’t actually find a horror movie that was centered around the 4th of July.
Independence Day is a classic movie which tells the story of humankind and earth on the brink of an all out war and eventual alien take over. The aliens are much more technologically advanced than the humans and it is up to a soldier, the president, a drunken dad, a stripper, and the smartest cable repair man in the world to save Earth. The movie combines all the essential elements needed to make a great film. It has comedy, drama, action, great acting, spectacular special effects that would still hold up to today’s standards and much more. Most people in America have probably seen Independence Day and if you haven’t go do yourself a patriotic duty and rent it, hell buy it. I personally am a proud owner of the VHS version of Independence Day – I like kicking it old school.
Halloween – October 31st, 2008
Halloween (1978 -2007)
Original movie directed by Wes Carpenter and remake directed by Rob Zombie.
When trying to come up with the perfect Halloween horror movie it’s hard to say which one is the best since there are so many horror flicks based around the holiday. However, no one can ignore John Carpenter’s classic fright fest, Halloween, as the ultimate holiday horror flick. Halloween is firmly placed in history as one of the biggest horror movie slasher series ever made. The flick has everything it takes to make the horror genre proud – a good villain, stupid teenagers, pre-marital sex, frightened kids, a realistic back story into the mind of Michael Myers and the likes. Anyone who’s ever seen Halloween can remember the epic closet scene, right? To me that’s probably one of the best horror movie sequences ever created on film. It’s terrifying when the camera pans out to show a close up of Jamie Lee Curtis crying after she allegedly believes that Michael is dead and then all of a sudden you see him rise in the corner of the room wearing that creepy ass William Shatner mask. The only thing wrong with Halloween is the pathetic attempts at the sequels that stained the reputation of the series – aside from Halloween 2, which was a good movie and direct sequel to the original classic, and Halloween H2O, a decent addition to the franchise. Honestly, who thought that putting Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks in a Halloween movie was a good idea?
Rob Zombie has proven over the last five years that not only can he have a successful music career but that he can also have a successful movie career. Zombie’s debut horror flick, House of 1,000 Corpses, was an under the radar fan favorite and its follow up, The Devil’s Rejects, was an all out smash hit at the box office by fans and critics alike. Surprised by his use of disturbing gore and content, Zombie’s films have shown viewers that he belongs in that directors seat along with the likes of Wes Craven and John Carpenter. So it was a delight to all horror lovers and Halloween fans when word spread that he was remaking Halloween. Although Zombie never said he was “remaking” Halloween out of respect for Carpenter’s masterpiece, he did say that he was telling it in his own right – putting his spin on the classic. Zombie’s reincarnation of Halloween managed to go in-depth behind the story of Michael Myers’ childhood. Zombie wanted to give the viewers a better insight as to how and why Michael Myers became the psychotic and unrelenting serial killer that we all came to know. Half the movie is about his origin and the other half is a pretty close rendition of the original, minus a little here and there. The outcome of Zombie’s Halloween is a great mixture of Carpenter’s work of art and Zombie’s unique vision and direction. The movie is superb and come this Halloween if you haven’t seen Rob Zombie’s take on this horror classic then go rent it. Oh, and while you’re out, you might as well pick up the 1978 original too, just to brush up on a few things.
Thanksgiving – November 27th, 2008
Boogeyman (2005)
Directed by Stephen T. Kay and starring Barry Watson, Emily Deschanel, Skye McCole Bartusiak.
Remember the older child from 7th Heaven? Yeah, well his name is Barry Watson and he stars in this really bad horror movie about the Boogeyman. Watson who plays Tim in this pathetic take on the thrills and chills of the Boogeyman monster is forced to spend Thanksgiving weekend in the haunted halls of his childhood home where his father was supposedly killed by the Boogeyman years ago. Tim loses his mother, and returns for her funeral but not before he forces himself to revisit his old stomping grounds in order to rid himself once and for all of his nightmarish past with the Boogeyman.
There aren’t many themes that tie this movie into Thanksgiving other than it takes place over Thanksgiving weekend – I know, not really holiday-esque, kind of lame right? Well, it’s not as lame as this movie. What started out as a cool premise slowly but surely lost appeal as the movie progressed to its eventual demise. Of course no one believes Tim about the Boogeyman except for a mysterious little girl he meets, which is normal but far too cliché. It could have been a decent movie but they just tried to do too much with the supernatural aspects of the film. Towards the end of the movie Tim has to decide what is real and what is imaginary – it just didn’t work for me. However, if you’re searching for a Thanksgiving horror flick to watch after stuffing your fat faces with the perfect holiday feast then this might be your best solution because… well, it’s probably your only one.
Christmas – December 25th, 2008
Black Christmas (2006)
Directed by Glen Morgan and starring Katie Cassidy, Michelle Trachtenberg, Lacey Chabert and Kristen Cloke.
Black Christmas seemed to hold potential because of the bad media it was getting for being a horror movie released on Christmas Day back in 2006, yet in reality the only thing bad about this movie was everything but the release date. Black Christmas killed off two of its main actresses in the movie, one time Nickelodeon actress Michelle Trachtenberg and up and rising Mean Girls star Lacey Chabert, yet that wasn’t the only surprise Black Christmas had in store. Like fellow horror movie Scream, Black Christmas supported two psychotic killers. A man that suffered child abuse as a boy and his step sister who was treated with love and kindness as a girl return on Christmas Eve to their old childhood home which has now been turned into a sorority. What’s there to do, but the obvious? Kill all of the stupid Sorority girls of course, it makes perfect sense.
The movie, which is actually a remake from the 1974 horror movie Black Christmas, fell short of holding up to its potential buzz. With a poor and a scattered story line, week dialogue and rather pathetic scenes of gore I recommend that you check out the 1974 version of Black Christmas first. Because unless you’re just plain tired of watching the 24 hour marathons of A Christmas Story this holiday, Black Christmas will actually make you want to shoot you’re eye out – purposefully.
