Video games have reached extreme heights in our society within the last few years thanks in large part to the innovations of Nintendo, Sega, Sony and Microsoft. Graphics have improved drastically from the 16-bit sprites that once graced our television sets over ten years ago. Even the handheld market has expanded past the original black and green screen of the first Game Boy, as the market for portables is in constant competition with many companies’ home consoles. However, these leaps in technology and popularity didn’t come free of charge. Oh no, from the early-90’s up until now the video game industry has had its fair share of lows to go along with its noticeable highs. In this blog I’m going to cover some of the worst video game consoles/hardware of all time, along with some of the most ridiculous peripherals ever designed. So stay tuned and enjoy the most pathetic ideas that the video game industry has ever conjured.
Note: These are in no particular order of horribleness…

Sega Game Gear

Everyone remembers the Nintendo Game Boy as being the first major portable gaming device. Despite its awkward shape and its incredibly simplistic graphics, the Game Boy was a huge hit because it provided gamers with quality games on-the-go. So when Sega decided that it not only wanted to dabble in the console market but that they wanted to butt into Nintendo’s monopoly on the hand held market as well, they had the right idea in mind. The Sega Game Gear had all the right ingredients needed to overtake the Game Boy, but it was far from the correct recipe. The Game Gear seemed like a great idea and initially posed to be a deadly threat to the Game Boy. It had an impressive hardware system that was on par with the Sega Master System (a.k.a. the Genesis) and an increased color palette. It was essentially a Sega Genesis in portable form; the only drawback from the Game Gear seemed to be its failure at being portable.

The TV Tuner released for the Game Gear. Oh, good now I can watch like three poorly receptioned channels on my already pathetic LCD screen = quality entertainment.

When the GG was released to the world it retailed for $200, which was $50 more than the Genesis, Sega’s actual home console. Nobody wanted to pay more for a handheld than they did for their actual home console because everyone knew their home consoles are far more technologically advanced. The Game Gear was also targeted as a portable system, but the damn thing was so big that it didn’t fit into any kind of pocket unless you were a proud owner of the once cool JNCO jeans. Not to mention that the Game Gear could eat six brand new AA batteries faster than six-time hot dog-eating world champion, Kobayashi could inhale 63 hot dogs in one sitting. The battery life of the Game Gear literally would allow for 2-3 hours of gameplay before it would die on you, which made it worthless to take on long trips unless you coincidentally had an endless tub full of batteries with you. However, that’s not the worst part about it. And if all of this wasn’t bad enough then maybe the early attempt at an LCD screen will put it over the top. Any movement on the screen would cause the displayed picture it to flash in and out of blurriness making it frustratingly difficult to keep concentrated on the game. This was especially difficult because Sonic the Hedgehog was one of the Game Gears biggest titles and anyone who’s played a Sonic game knows how fast the screen moves to catch up with Sonic’s speed. Overall, the Game Gear was a failure, yet it did take a stride in the right direction. It’s just sad that all of its flaws outweighed its strengths.

R.I.P. Sega Game Gear – we loved you?

Sega CD

Okay, I know that this looks like I’m hating on Sega since my first two systems are Sega exclusives, but the other companies will get their dose soon enough. Anyways, the Sega Genesis was Sega’s flagship system and one of the first consoles to go head-to-head with Nintendo. The Genesis was a solid system and to this day older gamers will argue about which console of the early 90’s was the greatest, the Genesis or the Super NES.
Just when Sega seemed to be going in the right direction, cutting into Nintendo’s dominance, they threw up the first of many future Hail Marys – hence the Sega CD was born. What seemed to be a great idea, like the Game Gear in 91’, turned out to be a huge flop (again like the Game Gear). Sega CD, the top-loading version that sat next to the Genesis, was released in 1993 at the price of $299. It didn’t sell many units for primarily two reasons: 1) because no one wanted to pay the expensive price tag and 2) No one wanted to pay the expensive price tag for an underdeveloped system and its terrible library of games (if you can even call them games). Sega CD’s load times seemed like an excruciating wait compared to the instant loads of cartridges, and one of the biggest down falls – Sega CD didn’t fix the problem of only having 64 colors on the screen at once.

I don’t know what’s worse – the fact that they made a Smurfs Sega CD game or that you play it by watching video clips and clicking corresponding buttons to advance the story.

Sega CD’s collection of games weren’t really games at all, rather they were the first glimpse at full-motion video (FMV), which many companies at the time thought was the next big thing. It’s like when everyone thought Beta was going to be the next big thing over VHS, but looking back everyone realized how idiotically wrong they people were. Sega CD’s games did in fact present FMV, but that doesn’t mean it was good video. Instead, it was a huge mess of grainy pixels and blurriness that would occasionally change colors. Because developers thought this was the next big thing many of the games simply required you to watch clips of FMV and click corresponding buttons to advance the story. This system was so bad that it to this day gives the term CD a bad reputation.

Sega, however, can’t be totally to blame for its awful concept behind Sega CD because at the time of its release CD-ROM technology wasn’t cheap nor was it advanced. So, even though Sega CD royally sucked, you can’t completely blame Sega for trying something new and innovative, but you can laugh at their expense.

3DO

The 3DO is a perfect example of one of those lost consoles in video game history. What do I mean you say? 3DO was a console manufactured and sold by Panasonic; however, it bombed so badly as a new console that the only thing left behind is its legacy as one of the most hyped-up and ironically, shortest lived, gaming consoles ever created. Panasonic’s 3DO was the first 32-bit game system, released in 1993, and it was hyped to be the next leap in entertainment. Presented as not only a gaming console, the 3DO was marketed as an “interactive multiplayer”, offering users the ability to play audio, video and photo disks as well as video games. The biggest problem that led to 3DO’s downward spiral was that it cost $700. Now, take that $700 and compare it to the Genesis and the SNES which cost roughly $150-200 each. Despite the fact that the 3DO was an all-in-one-box package and that its graphics were double that of the competition, no one, and I mean no one, wanted to spend nearly a grand for a new gaming console. And because of its lack in sales, the 3DO’s catalog of games suffered as well. Developers didn’t want to spend excess time and money on games when no one was even buying the actual console to begin with. Overall, the 3DO, which trumped the Genesis and SNES in every physical way possible, lost to these 16-bit consoles and was soon overshadowed and overpowered by newcomers the Sega Saturn and the Sony Playstation.

Sega 32X

Looks cool right? Yeah, try saying that with a straight face.

To this day, I don’t know why Sega continually refused to realize that their add-ons to the Genesis did nothing but fail, and the 32X only further reiterated that same pattern of failure. Sega already tried to prolong the life of the Genesis once with the emergence of Sega CD, an add-on that failed…miserably. So why in God’s name should the 32X be any different? It’s like when little kids burn their hands on the stove for the very first time. They realize that it hurt, but they just don’t seem to get why. Well, the same can be said for Sega continuity of console failure.

The biggest failure about the 32X wasn’t necessarily the actual add-on itself, but rather the miscommunication between Sega of America and Sega of Japan. In America developers had started work on the 32X while simultaneously Japan had been working on the Sega Saturn, a totally original system that was much more powerful than the 32X. The problem rose when Sega of America released the 32X shortly before the Saturn was to be released. So, in essence, if you new anything about the Saturn’s development you held off on buying the 32X to await for a totally new and more advanced system – the Saturn.

Look at all those smooth textures…I mean, good graphics…ah, who am I kidding this screen looks like s#%t!

Miscommunication, however, wasn’t the only problem with the 32X. I don’t want you to think I’m going to be that nice to the 32X. Another big let down and stupid part of production of the 32X was the use of its games. Most developers misused the technology of the 32X, which was designed to display great looking 2D sprites quickly, by attempting 3D graphics on a piece of technology that could hardly handle those kind of visuals. So in effect, games were terrible and looked ugly because large, single-colored and bland polygons constantly flickered on and off the screen. And that’s not even all. Some of the 32X games weren’t even designed solely for the 32X. What? Yeah, some 32X games were designed to incorporate another piece of hardware that you might recall – the Sega CD. That’s right folks, not only did the 32X games blow to begin with, but some of them actually required an already dead and failed piece of past hardware to even run the game (note: I covered the Sega CD earlier in this blog). It is through obvious reasons like the 32X that Sega is no longer a house hold name when it comes to consoles. They had their chance(s) and blew it repetitively, over and over, time after time, again and again…you get where I’m going with this.

Look at how ridiculous the Genesis got with all of its add-on hardware systems – the Genesis, Sega CD and 32X compiled in one. It looks like the Genesis on steroids or some kind of alien space craft, I can’t decide.

NES Power Glove

There is no way that a list of the worst video game systems and peripherals could be complete without the addition of the NES Power Glove. Just look at that beautiful piece of technology. It’s as if developers didn’t think that playing video games was nerdy enough, so they decided to bring it to ultra geek capacity by creating a glove that substituted as a controller. As if the creation of this ridiculous glove wasn’t enough, the movie, The Wizard, (you know the one featuring Fred Savage of the Wonder Years and a younger and then drug free Christian Slater) put the Power Glove in the media spotlight. The movie had a full scene showing the enemy wizard (a.k.a. Mr. Epitome of the 90’s) displaying the Power Glove in action – need I say more? Yes… yes, I do actually.

In order to even utilize the Power Glove and its functions, you had to set up three sensors on your television so that it could read the movements of the glove.

(Above) The three awkwardly shaped and inconvenient sensors needed to even use the Power Glove.

They would have been okay had they ever actually stayed put on your television. I remember having to use duct tape just to get the damn things to stay on my TV because they kept falling every 30 seconds. But it doesn’t stop there, oh no siree. Another thing needed to play the games were codes that had to be entered into the glove prior to using it. The codes weren’t as much of a problem as they were a continual nuisance.

However, the biggest downfall about the Power Glove, the fire that really added to the already present T-1000 boiling pot was the glove’s constant tendency to simply not work. So many old school games seemed to never fully work with the glove and as a result no one ever wanted to play with the friggin’ thing. For example, if you tried to boot up your copy of Double Dragon you’d be faced with the on-going problem of not being able to fight off opponents, which just so happened to be the entire point of the game. Hell, it was hard enough to make sure you were even facing the right direction when using the Power Glove. Simple movements and gestures with the glove, like squeezing your hand together, twitching your fingers or waving your hand to-and-fro, were all designed to make your controlled character act accordingly, yet some times, (let me rephrase that) nearly every time the motions just wouldn’t work. The Power Glove was so bad that the only time I’ve ever seen one used since its initial release in 1989 has been to help decorate someone’s Halloween costume.

Virtual Boy

Face it! It’s the system you’ve been waiting for throughout this whole blog. You had to know that it was coming and for your patience I’ve saved the best for last. The Nintendo Virtual Boy, which made its less than triumphant emergence in 1995, stands today as the worst video game concept in the history of the industry. Back in the mid-90’s virtual reality was all the rage. Everyone thought that it was going to be the future in video games and in overall entertainment. The problem, however, was that virtual reality was only fun for the person experiencing it. In order to experience virtual reality, a person had to put on a ridiculous and excessively nerdy helmet which made even Geordi’s visor in Star Trek look cool.

Coincidence…or did Nintendo steal their “beloved” design? You be the judge.

I mean honestly, how do you entertain a group of your friends with virtual reality? The only person having a good time is the person playing. Everyone else has to sit on the couch and look at the person wearing the virtual helmet/visor and laugh at how stupid he/she looks.

However, despite the passing craze that was virtual reality, Nintendo’s Virtual Boy drastically failed in another category – its marketing. Nintendo claimed that the Virtual Boy was a portable system that could easily be moved from place to place. Now, you tell me – how in the hell did the virtual Boy even slightly look portable? Nintendo even had to include a customized stand for the Virtual Boy because the damn thing was too heavy to wear around. Oh, and not to mention that the VB’s controller drained six AA batteries even faster than Sega’s Game Gear. Not to worry, Nintendo provided a separately sold AC adapter for the Virtual Boy that slid right into the back of the controller – all problems fixed right? Nope! Half of the time when someone would be playing, the adapter would slide right off the controller just as easily as it slid on causing their game to completely shut down. Frustrating I know, but it only gets worse from here.

Okay, say you could tolerate the awkward use of the Virtual Boy’s stand, the ridiculously short battery life, and even the humiliation of looking like a complete idiot while playing the system. Say you convinced yourself that all of those setbacks were minor and that the real reward was the cutting-edge graphics and original gameplay. Well my friends, if this is what you believed then you would soon find out after a short hands-on experience with the VB that you were wrong once again. Once again? Why? Because the only colors that were available to see while playing the VB were red and black. All of this trouble for a cutting-edge system and the only colors you could see were red and black. That’s right folks! You see highly brightened LED screens, such as blue or green, weren’t widely available or cheap back in the mid-90’s, so Nintendo had to ultimately vouch for simple red graphics. However, as if this wasn’t enough, the overemphasized red wasn’t the only visual drawback of the Virtual Boy. Nintendo placed a warning label on the Virtual Boy’s box and on the system itself that stated the graphics could cause eye strain and potential vision problems if played excessively without breaks. Not only that but many of the Virtual Boy’s games would pause after an hour of gameplay and advise you to take a break from playing. What a great way for Nintendo to market a product to children. “Here you go kids….here’s a crappy system, with crappy graphics that might potentially lead to future blindness if you’re not careful, enjoy.” – Kudos Nintendo, kudos!

However, on the contrary not every minute thing about the Virtual Boy was horrible, just nearly everything. For example, the Virtual Boy did have a few solid games – Mario Tennis, Wario Land (my personal favorite) and Teleroboxer were all decent titles.

Wario Land and Mario Tennis - both were solid games, but hardly anyone got to play them because they were released on the Virtual Boy – a system that no one bought (except for maybe me and two other unfortunate kids).

The Virtual Boy ultimately ended its lifespan after only putting out a meager 14 games. That’s not even enough games to fill a toddler’s hand. Nonetheless, the Virtual Boy will always remain as a guilty pleasure system in my opinion. Despite all the criticism that I gave it, I still owned one and used to enjoy playing it, so I guess that makes me somewhat of a hypocrite.

Overall, this list of the worst video game systems and peripherals of all time wasn’t primarily meant to degrade and trash the failed consoles of the past. It did in fact do that, but the main reason I comprised this list was so you could see all the steps that the video game industry had to take in order to bring you the current generations of successful consoles. Without the attempts of these failed systems there would be no Xbox 360, Playstation 3 or Wii. So the next time someone gets ready to completely demean one of these failed systems you stop them and tell them how vital their technological progress was in the history of the gaming industry, and after you’ve said that you can then commence in ripping these pathetic excuses for consoles a new one. As always, thanks for reading.

-Dillon (D-Dub)

P.S. Other video game systems that came just as quickly as they passed include: The Atari Jaguar and the Sega Saturn.

Tags: Atari Jaguar, Dillon, NES Power Glove, Panasonic 3DO, Sega 32X, Sega CD, Sega Game Gear, Sega Saturn, Video Games, Virtual Boy, worst game consoles

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 6th, 2008 at 5:00 pm and is filed under Dillon, Video Games. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.