I recently saw the action flick Jumper in theaters last weekend, and it was everything I thought it would be – horrible that is. I was hanging out with my brother for the day and in order to waste some time we decided to see a movie. Well, we obviously picked the wrong one to check out because Jumper, aside from its special effects and a few other things, fell awfully short of the buzz that it was generating. There are several horrible points about Jumper and its cast that are obvious, but I really had to stretch for the good points. Anyways, let’s get started with my review of Jumper.

Jumper starts out by showing the audience a younger version of Christensen’s character David witnessing his first legit jump (a.k.a. teleportation). David soon runs away from his home, which is less than average. His mom left him when he was five and his dad is an alcoholic who could care less about his son. Jump (no pun intended) ahead a few years later and David is grown up and cue Christensen. The audience shortly learns that David has been robbing banks for years now with his unique gift of teleporting in and out of vaults leaving no evidence behind. However, his sneaky shenanigans can’t continue forever as he is soon confronted by Samuel L. Jackson’s character, Roland. David soon learns that his power isn’t one of a kind and that not only are there others like him but that this ability of jumping has existed for thousands of years. Most importantly these so-called Jumpers have been at war for decades with a secret organization called the Paladins. Furthermore, David discovers that Roland is a Paladin and that he has been hunting David for years now.

Let’s start with horrible point number one – this one is easy and fairly self-explanatory. Whoever decided to cast Hayden Christensen in another major action role must have obviously been desperate for a hero, let alone an actor. I mean honestly, did director Doug Liman see the latest Star Wars additions? Because if he did then he should have too witnessed Christensen’s butchering portrayal of the infamous Anakin Skywalker. Even if I gave Christensen the benefit of the doubt by admitting that acting in front of a green screen was difficult and that the ensuing pressure from die hard Star Wars fans to play the revered role of Luke’s father was anywhere short of impossible, I still wouldn’t like the guy. Why? Because no matter how buff Christensen gets for his roles or how much time he spends looking angry in his movies he’s just not convincing or intimidating to say the least. He just seems to whine when he’s supposed to be pissed off – it makes me want to give him a comforting hug rather than shake with terror. However, I will admit one good quality about Christensen’s acting. He plays the arrogant, self-loving pretty boy with perfection. He not only has that a-hole look about himself but he can actually act the part as well. However, he still ruined Star Wars for me, and that is something that will take me several years to dwell on before I consider forgiving him.

Moving on the horrible point number two – Rachel Bilson. Okay, we all know that she is hot and that she has a rocking body; however, that doesn’t automatically qualify her as a good actress – actually she is far from it. I never thought for once that there would be anyone less talented than Christensen in the same movie…I was obviously wrong. Bilson is such a bad actress that it is literally uncomfortable for me to watch her in action on the big screen. I’ve never actually watched The O.C. so I can’t judge her performance based off of her television career, but I have seen her in The Last Kiss and now in Jumper and I just get this overwhelming sense of awkwardness when she appears on screen. The problem is that it’s not only her dialogue that’s bad; it’s also in her facial expressions. Her mouth is constantly moving when it shouldn’t be and she appears to be looking off screen sometimes when she’s supposed to be listening. I don’t know how else to describe it but she’s just uncomfortable, simply put.

Bilson and Christensen getting instructed by director Doug Liman. “Now Rachel and Hayden try not to suck this time, okay? Cue take 67: Coliseum scene…roll cameras and action.”

On the plus side of things however, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Rooker and fellow Jumper Jamie Bell contribute some solid acting to an overall talent-less bunch. Despite some of the less than sub par acting choices Jackson has partaken in he’s never failed to give it his all. Take Snakes on a Plane or Deep Blue Sea for an example. These were both awesomely bad movies, yet good ol’ Samuel L. somehow managed to overcome their horribleness and deliver a well done acting job considering what he had to work with. Jackson has to be one of the only actors in Hollywood (along with Morgan Freeman) who will take a lead role in an excellent movie (Jackson- Pulp Fiction or Freeman- Shawshank Redemption) and follow it up with another role in a movie that is pure crap (Jackson – Deep Blue Sea/ Freeman – Hard Rain). I just don’t know how or why they do it, but I guess the important thing is that they can pull it off.

Despite the overall weak plot of the movie and some of the bad acting choices, Jumper at least delivers the audience with entertainment. Regardless of how ridiculous the movie got when I was watching it I remained entertained from start to finish. I didn’t have to think at all because I just let my eyes do all the work – pure eye candy. The special effects looked good and fluid and they weren’t really over used from what I saw. The constant teleporting towards the end of the movie got a little stale but overall the CGI and sound effects were solid. The only thing that I didn’t really like during all the jumping scenes was how it was done – the guidelines/rules. All Christensen’s character had to do was look at a picture and he could then teleport there. Call me old fashioned or biased but I prefer Nightcrawler’s (blue acrobat of the X-Men) stipulations for teleportation over Christensen’s. Nightcrawler can’t teleport anywhere that he can’t see. That means he can’t just look at a picture or remember a place and simply teleport there because it’s too dangerous – he could end up getting stuck in a wall and etc. Instead, Nightcrawler has to actually see where he’s teleporting and he can’t teleport extreme distances for fear that it might exhaust him to potential death. Anyways, Christensen’s open-ended teleporting confines weren’t a major problem for me, but it did cause me to geek out and question its seemingly unfair limitlessness.

Samuel L. Jackson sporting a new white hair look – an aged Dennis Rodman anyone?

Another feature that I liked about Jumper was the addition of historical, geographic scenery throughout the movie. Christensen’s character jumped everywhere from Rome (the Coliseum) to Egypt (the Sphinx); however, I couldn’t tell if these scenes were the real deal or if they were computer animated. Regardless, they looked pretty and added a sense of style and art to the film.

Despite the epicness of this picture, Christensen still can’t convince me that he’s a bad@$$.

Overall, Jumper failed to deliver a groundbreaking and thought-provoking, original movie, but it did succeed in pure entertainment value and if I had to guess that’s probably what the director Liman had in mind all along. If you haven’t seen Jumper but you want to – don’t. It’s not worth it, and it’ll probably be on DVD in a month anyway for you to rent if you still feel the need to watch it. As always, thanks for reading.
-Dillon (D-Dub)

Tags: action, Dillon, Hayden Christensen, Jumper, Movie, Rachel Bilson, Samuel L. Jackson, teleportation

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 26th, 2008 at 6:40 pm and is filed under Dillon, Movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.